The Top 10 Most Annoying Things…

By Mark Dembo

The other night I was watching TV with my kids, (or should I say I was sitting with them while they were “media surfing” between live TV, DVR, computer chat, and text messages; but that’s a topic for a whole other article), and we happened on a special on Nickelodeon – a report on the Top 10 Most Annoying Things Parents Do. The basis for the show, hosted by Linda Ellerbee, was a survey conducted of kids, so it had a very interesting perspective. Their top 10 responses to “It’s so annoying when parents…”

10) …say, “Go ask your mom!” or “Go ask your dad!”
9) …obsess about things that don’t matter.
8)…say, “Because I said so, that’s why!”
7) …say, “When I was your age…”
6) …say, “When you’re older, you’ll understand.”
5) …tell old and really corny jokes to my friends.
4) …treat me like a little kid.
3) …nag me.
2) …say, “Act your age!”

And, finally, the number-one MOST annoying thing kids say parents do is when parents…don’t act their age!!!!

This list got me wondering how many people in our own organizations, if surveyed about their leaders, might have similar things to say. So, taking some creative liberties, here’s what I envision the “Top 10 Most Annoying Things Leaders Do” might look like:

10)…say, “I don’t know why we do that, go ask someone else.”
9)…obsess about the trivial in order to exert control.
8)…say, “Because I said so, that’s why!”
7)…say, “When I was in your role...”
6)…say, “When you’re in my position, you’ll understand.”
5)…tell really corny jokes at staff meetings.
4)…treat me like a little kid.
3)…nag me (e.g. don’t trust me to get my work done).
2)…say, “Act your age” (e.g. don’t complain about things around here).
1)…don’t act in a manner that befits their role (e.g. THEY complain about things).

I think we can see many similarities here in both the actual list, and the somewhat fanciful list I’ve created, yet I’m sure you’ll agree that many of these items ring true.

How can we ensure that we develop effective leaders who can get results, yet not be seen as overbearing, annoying parents? At the most fundamental level, this requires clearly articulating now only WHAT leaders need to do, but HOW they need to do it. And, our experience shows that many while many organizations are good at explaining the “Whats,” it’s the “Hows” where many leaders and organizations struggle.

At DDI, we teach and talk about the “Key Principles” – the essential behaviors and traits that apply whether you’re a leader, an individual contributor, or for that matter, even a parent. These principles, when practiced with authenticity, help leaders become organizational catalysts. Specifically:

1. Maintain or enhance self-esteem.
2. Listen and respond with empathy.
3. Ask for help and encourage involvement.
4. Share thoughts, feelings, and rationale. (to build trust)
5. Provide support without removing responsibility. (to build ownership)

The Key Principles may seem simple – yet they are neither simplistic nor easy to practice. If we all work to align our actions with these Key Principles, imagine how we can improve the quality of our interactions with those we work and live with. Better yet, if we can help others in our organization learn and apply these behaviors, not only can we avoid the “most annoying leader syndrome,” we may actually improve the organizational culture, enhance engagement, and impact organizational results. Now, just need to figure out how to deal with the “corny joke” syndrome”…

And, if you really want to be bold and adventurous – try it out with your kids!

Mark Dembo is a manager for Development Dimensions International (DDI).